Have A Disney Day!

As I was thinking about what to write in my blog today, for some reason I couldn't get Disneyland out of my head. A few months ago my mom was going through some old stuff and she gave me a couple things that I had made when I was little. One of the items was a little book I made in Kindergarten. In the book I said that my favorite place to go was Disneyland. Growing up my parents would take us about once a year. Of course being 5 years old, what other place would you want to go to?

Then, I started thinking about my many trips to Disney and this one memory popped in my head. It was my 19th birthday, I was at Disneyland with my family and one of my friends. We were so busy going on rides that we didn't eat for about 8 hours. I was starving by the time I got my food. As soon as I sat down, I just gobbled it up. There was just one problem, I didn't chew enough and I ended up choking on a piece of meat. My uncle did the Heimlich on me a couple times and the meat flew out. According to my family, it was just like the movies, you know when the food comes flying out. Of course for me everything was in slow motion. I remember everyone doing different things. One of my aunts realized I was choking (the meat lodge in my throat immediately so I did not make any sound). Another aunt told my uncle to help me and told my Nana to pray (and she did). I remember seeing the people in the table behind us just staring at the spectacle of us all. After the meat came out I started crying. My uncle told me to turn around and hug him. So I hugged him and cried in his arms. My uncle made sure I was okay, then I sat back down and ate a little more of my food. I was a little shaky but I was still hungry. My uncle made a comment about how he was glad the meat came out because he was afraid he was going to have to stab me in the throat and there didn't seem to be anything around to help with that. And that is my crazy Disneyland story.

Normally, when most people think about Disneyland they remember the whole "may your dreams come true", fantasy, fun stuff. I realize that even when we are at the "happiest place in the world," things can still happen. However, it is nice to know that we get to choose how we will respond. Obviously, this incident didn't detour me from going back to Disneyland, since the picture above was taken a few months ago. However, I could have continued to focus on the fact that I had just choked, chosen not to eat any more food, and not let myself have fun the rest of the day. But I continued to eat my food and enjoyed the rest of the day. Even laughing a little at the way my uncle described not wanting to stab my throat (okay so maybe I was needing a little stress relief). I think sometimes in life we focus on one incident or maybe whatever is causing us stress in the moment, and then we let that incident or stress take over instead of giving it to God. I realize how detrimental holding on can be to my life. Although, letting go isn't very easy at times. When I think of different things that have happened in my life, I realize how much I have learned from all my experiences.

I would actually consider my choking Disney day a learning experience rather than a bad memory. I say this because I relate the incident to the importance of chewing on God's Word. When we take the time to chew on God's Word before we get hungry (something bad happens), then when we are hungry we have His Word ready and available; versus trying to hurry, swallow, and understand in a moment of crisis. Disneyland is just like the rest of life we can let our world be full of fantasy (faith) or we can choose to hold on to reality (our control or stress) and miss all the fun (God's glory). I am thankful that stress can be turned upside down with God. That in faith we can give each memory and moment to Him, taking the time to meditate on His Words. Then He can help us see the good and His blessings in each moment of life, in each moment of a memory. Yeah for Disneyland days in all sorts of ways! The END!

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Tears Fall Down

If you know me well, then you know that I am a crier. I tend to cry when I am happy, sad, angry, and pretty much any other occasion. I don't tend to pay attention to whether I cry in private or public. In fact, I think I have cried just about anywhere you can think of: bank, park, restaurant, bathroom, church, and yes, Disneyland. Anyway, I have always done this, it's just part of who I am. There have been times in my life where I have cried more than others. There have been times when I cried because I saw the amazing grace of God or heard His Words in a new way. There have been times that I cried because I saw how God was working in someone's life or have the opportunity to bring them encouragement. But what is most important to me is remembering I cry because I feel. For the past few months I kind of wondered how much I really felt. However, my tears remind me that I have always felt and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. My tears over the last six months definitely qualify as one of those "cried more" times. I have cried tears of joy and tears of anguish (so if you see me crying don't automatically think it is because I am upset :)) During this last crying season, I wrote a couple of poems to remind me that tears are good and are a reminder that we all feel. I get to choose how I will direct my tear feelings: give them to God, let them fly around in the air, stuff them back down where they came from, or not let them come at all (this one doesn't really work for me, haha). So here are simple little poems about tears:

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Tears

Tears of sorrow
Tears of joy
Tears of anger
Tears of hope
Tears of confusion
Tears of understanding
Tears, Tears, Tears
Tears are never ending
Tears show all our feeling


Tears connect feeling to mind, body, and spirit
Tears are fresh and new
Tears are old and ugly
Tears of thoughts not right
Tears of humility
Tears are what we are made of
Tears are what we feel and see
Tears, Tears, Tears
Tears of a Father looking down on us
Tears of His sadness and joy come one in all
Tears are what we live for
Tears for hope and future
Tears for peace in all
Tears of a loving Father
Tears of His love for all
Tears of His grace come forth
Tears give our spirit flight
Tears released open heavens door
Tears, Tears, Tears
Tears of the Father, Son, and Spirit

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Tears of Joy

Falling down they come
Apart from us they are not
Falling from my heart
Sorrow comes to start
Falling, how it may
Tomorrow is a new way
Sorrow falls away
Tears come to play
Tears come with such display
Tomorrow is another day


Falling tears array
Falling tears wiped away
Tears anew bringing hope
Sorrow falls away
Joy comes in the new day
Tears of joy spreading
Spreading hope anew
Tears of joy, hooray!

Love Has No End

Love is grace

Love takes place

On weary days love remains

On endless days love takes the reins

Love gives

Love has no end

When times are hard love stays

When no one knows love knows

When no one see love sees

Love forgives

Love has no end

On angry days love remains

On sorrowful days love takes space

Love boast of none

Love is the glorious one

When one rejects love claims strength

When weakness shows love goes through

Love is selfless

Love is mysterious

Love is a wonder that no one knows

As the heart beats love comes to those

As the heart of love is seen

Love has no end

For Love is known, as God is know

For Love is God

And God is Love

And all have known

Love has made a claim today

Love takes ones heart

Love is all

When love shows through

When strength is new

Love is all for each of you

Love has no end to reach through

For Love is God

And God is Love

Epic Love

How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Mount Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep,
which have come up from the washing.
Each has its twin;
not one of them is alone.


Your lips are like scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with elegance;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of mighty men.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that feed among the lilies.


Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of incense.
You are all fair, my love;
there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:1-7


My goal over the next year or so is to read through the whole Bible. Last week I read Song of Solomon. As I was thinking about what we have come to understand about Song of Solomon and the songs (and/or psalms) that Solomon wrote. I realized how true these words could be in so many ways. When we see someone we love and truly love them with our whole heart, we look at the good things; their best qualities. When we truly desire to express to someone how we feel about them we don't say, "well, I don't like that you do this or you should be more this." We instead talk about their flawless qualities (as Solomon does in his letter), we talk about those qualities that first attracted us to the person to begin with, the delightful things we see as we spend time with that person. Yes, we may see and acknowledge those qualities that are not so fair and beautiful but we don't focus on them. I think this is how God sees us, He recognizes our flaws but desires to focus on those beautiful qualities that He has created in us.


There are a few different theories about the love letter in Song of Solomon. Some believe it was written from a man to a woman, while others believe it is an allegorical representation of our relationship with God, while still others connect it with the relationship between God and the nation of Israel, and some see it as the reflection of Christ and His church. However, no matter how you see it or from who to whom it is written. The words written are of the feeling behind a relationship, metaphors of how things look in the eyes of the loved and beloved. Maybe this is why I find this passage so interesting because if focuses on the meaning and feeling behind the words. It is an epic example of the perpetual delight in a relationship of love. A love that we all seek and desire from a relationship. One that is right in front of our face, yet feels out of our grasp at times. The Song of Solomon love seems to encompass the aspect of creation and the simple concept of all created life being both holy and blessed, including human sexuality.

I feel our world has polluted this concept of love within human sexuality. Instead of encompassing all aspects of love, the secular world, and even Christians look just at the physical and emotional. Maybe part of this has to do with the same reason that we forget to look at the meaning behind words or the intent behind a picture. We only see what we see with our eyes, instead of the underneath. My life has been impacted by this physical aspect of love or maybe I should say the lack of love in the physical; the exploitation, controlling, pleasure seeking aspect in the disillusionment of the physical. But as I read Song of Solomon, I could picture in my head how much more there is to love than just the physical, how much more there is to God's creation, and how much more there is to the simple word beauty. I realized that I don't want to focus just on the love in the physical or the emotional need for love, but I also want to remember the love in creation, the meaning behind the words, and the metaphorical delights found in taking pleasure in an epic love that has no end. A love that doesn't stop with the physical and emotional, but instead also touches the spiritual, bring back the delight in God's creation and recognizing the purity in true beauty.

Never A Capella

I was chatting with some people at lunch the other day and someone made a comment about how all the conversations they have had lately seem to involve discussion of relationships. Not just friendship relationships but the whole man, woman going out/dating/getting married relationship stuff. Ironically, but an hour earlier I was asked if I was spending time with any "particular" guy.

So, I started thinking about how much our world revolves around relationships, not just friendships but intimate relationships. We all crave a deeper connection with someone, right? I mean, who wants to grow old alone? I then started contemplating my life, looking at the times when I really desired to have that intimate connection with someone and times when I was content. In the midst of this contemplation, I realized that my contentment rested on spending quality time with God and building my relationship with Him. Not that I didn't still desire that connection with another person but I was content and at peace with where I was at. During the times I pulled away from God, there was something missing, feelings a loneliness became stronger.

I trust that God made us to be relational with Him, with our friends, and of course with our spouse (for those seeking marriage). Relation seems to be build into the very core of our being. How could we not seek out and desire something more from the people around us, and ultimately from God? It is sad to think that people miss out or when in a relationship they still feel alone and empty. They miss the conceptualization that God should be the core that builds the foundation within all other relationships. Here is just a simple little poem I wrote to remind me that I am never alone. Even when that one special relationship comes along for me, I will always have the promise that God is with me, and no one ever grows old alone when they choose God.

A Capella Not Seen

Alone I will never be
For there is something great inside of me
Watching and waiting for the world to see
Alone I will never be
Rainbows fall across the sky, pretty
Mist of love indeed
For love holds me
For love unfolds me
Alone I will never be
You can find it just look and see
Something inside of me
Lean not on yourself or me
Lean on the One meant for thee
Just like a little bee
Drawn to the honey tree

Alone I will never be
A Capella not seen

Risky Business

In light of yesterdays blog, here is a poem I wrote about questioning and seeing the business of choosing God (and His fire):

Risky Business

Once there was some risky business.
Business so risky, how can that be?
But be it was for me.
Was that all I could see?
Seeing was so hard for me.
Was there more hard work ahead for me?
Ahead was where I wanted to be.
Was wanting enough for me?
Enough could be fulfilling to Thee.
Is fulfilling me all just for me?
All just for me not for Thee.
Is not for Thee, helpful to me?
Helpful to me is not risky business.
Was not risky business what I want?
What I want is risky business.
Is what I want faithful to Thee?
Faithfulness is the beginning for me.
Is the beginning where I should be?
Where I should be is right with Thee.
Was not right with Thee beneficial to me?
Beneficial to me is right with Thee.
Is not right with Thee so much more for me?
So much more for me leads to truth with Thee.
Was not Thy truth plenty for me?
Plenty for me is fruit for Thee.
Is not Thy fruit upon me?
Fruit upon me brings risky business.

Was not that the plan for Thy risky business?
Risky business from Thee to me.
From Thee to me a trust, do we see?
We see a business built for Thee.
What business comes from me?
What comes from me is only the assistance from Thee.
Is assistance what you want from me?
Assistance to build a business for Thee.
Why is Thy business a risky one for me?
It is a risky one for me because not all believe Thee.
What more do all need to see?
Seeing is for me with Thee.
How can they see without Thee?
Without Thee there business flees.
How can you let them flee from Thee?
You let them flee because of Thee.
Why can't they stop fleeing from Thee?
You let them choose to flee from Thee.
Why choosing is allowed by Thee?
Thy word is a graceful choice for all to see.
Why do they pee on Thee, instead of see?
Their urge to pee comes ahead of Thee.
Can't they see the urge is not as important as Thee?
Importance is all I should see.
Why is importance such risky business for me?
Risky business is where I should be.
Where else should I be?
But Walking with Thee in eternity.
Risky business for you and me?
Risky business for all to see.
Risky business consuming see?
Consuming fire, risky business for you and me.

Risky Business

Fire Within

Yesterday, I was outside in San Marino (where I was babysitting), all the sudden it smelled like smoke and then there was ash in the air. Obviously, there must have been a fire somewhere nearby. As I thought about the fire, I started thinking about all that fire is both physically, metaphorically, and the connection therein. I thought about some of the ways God used fire in the Bible: to reveal Himself, to guide people through the darkness, in the midst of sacrifice, in an all consuming way. I thought about the physical aspects of fire: how it starts, what keeps it going, what it is made of. I wonder why God chose fire. It is amazing to me the different things in this world that God has made and the dualities they represent. Fire can bring warmth into our home but it can also destroy our homes (if it gets out of control). Fire consumes the land, destroying hopes and dreams. Yet metaphorically speaking, God's fire in our heart can bring hope and dreams to life. The metaphorical fire in our heart is what I am most intrigued by.

I want God's fire to be in my heart. I want Him to consume all the evil in my life so that His good can shine through the fire. Fire can be hot and burning or it can be a miraculous show of God's awesome power or sometimes a little of both. How can one word represent something that can bring both life and death? Yet if we look around, we can see so many things in our world that can be used for death or for life. However, I feel like every day there is a choice that I have to make. I get to choose to let God's fire in so that I can see the positive and the blessings that I have as the bad stuff burns away. Or I can choose to let a deathly fire in that brings destruction to the heart that God has given me. As I watch the ash fall yesterday I wondered where it was coming from. Curiosity was nagging me. I realized that I didn't want to just see the remnants floating around in the air but instead I wanted to see the fire. Just as I want to see God's fire in my life and let it be my guiding light. Most of my life I have had this desire. However, I recognize about five months ago that there has been something preventing me from letting God's fire completely consume me. My own sin blocked me. I let a deathly fire consume me. I let all the lies that I had told surround my heart, the truth about my life was unconsciously buried there. Although, I read God's truth and believed it, part of it was not able to make it into my heart. Yet, like God does all the time, He showed me His love, spoke His truth, and then I got to choose.

This time the choice was different for me. It was a life changing moment. I don't believe my life will ever be the same. The choosing wasn't easy...there was a battle within, a risk of unveiling who I had become, of really looking at myself and seeing the truth in the sin I had committed, of recognizing how far I had come from what my relationship with God could have been, of seeing how easy it is to fall into deadly fire. But for once I choose to let God's fire be my life and completely consume me, burning the lies away instead of just sitting around on the fringes (unable to consume due to lack of oxygen). On that day when I chose to breath in oxygen and let the fire rage, it burned like never before! So painful, but what life it has brought me.


Bits & pieces: Exodus 3:2, 13:21; Psalm 97:3; Malachi 3:2; Matthew 3:11; James 3:5,6