New Hope!

I wrote these poems about a year ago when I was in the midst of some tough issues in my life. These poems are dedicated to people that have had events in their lives that have caused (are causing) them pain or led to depression.

James 1:2 (MSG) "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that, under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

Where God Begins and Confusion Ends

I felt alone.
No one knew.
They tried to help me.
They made me talk.
Sometimes I want to talk but sometimes not.
They didn't know.
How could they comfort me when they didn't know?
I just wanted to stay home.
I was tired of pretending everything was fine.
But I didn't want people to know that everything wasn't fine.
I needed help so I looked for people to help me.
I knew God could help but I couldn't always feel Him.
I needed a person or so I thought.
I just wanted to sleep.
I didn't want to leave my house.
What was wrong with me?
I needed things to be back to normal.
What was normal?
I just wanted normal.
I wanted someone to comfort me and hold me.
What was wrong with me?
I was so confused.
I don't think I knew how I felt.
I didn't feel anything.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
Because I let confusion rule me.
Confusion must end.
Confusion must pass away.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
Because I held my head high.
I closed my eyes.
I shut my ears.
Confusion in my head appeared.
My smell was not right.
For all I could smell was stench and rottenness.
My stomach did not work.
Food had no appeal.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
My blood ruled me instead of letting God's Son come down.
I could not walk on my own.
Fear from confusion entrapped me.
I could not be alone.
For my heart was not mine to give away.
So confusion ruled me.
Why can I let God hold me?
God can hold me because my heart is His.
God can hold me because my life has a new beginning in Him.
God can hold me because confusion and fear He wiped away.
They lay at His feet, as it may.
Love takes away the fear inside.
Love takes away confusion's head.
My eyes and ears are open now.
My smell begins to smell the tears.
My stomach digest like never before.
Walking with Him holding me.
This is where I know I should be.
No more trapped within a cage.
No more sleeping in.
Awake I should be.
Watching and waiting to see confusion of others.
For confusion takes hold of you and me.
No more ruling we should see.
Confusion is lost for all to begin.
God is our director and so we should see.
Confusion our hearts no more will they see.
For God's beginning is all we need.

Fresh and new we will see.

God's beginning, love in me.

Heavy Burden

A heavy burden laid upon my heart
It pulled me down
It hid my heart
A heavy burden that had no end
It caused me tears
It cost me sin
A heavy burden that could see no end
It played with me
It blinded me
Then one day the burden lay
Down to the ground the burden may
For on that day the Lord did say
I take it away
Your heart is mine for all to see
Your tears and sins are upon me
Now see all as they should be
Now assist me in your day
For I can take all burdens away
A heavy burden is wiped away

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Fire Within

Yesterday, I was outside in San Marino (where I was babysitting), all the sudden it smelled like smoke and then there was ash in the air. Obviously, there must have been a fire somewhere nearby. As I thought about the fire, I started thinking about all that fire is both physically, metaphorically, and the connection therein. I thought about some of the ways God used fire in the Bible: to reveal Himself, to guide people through the darkness, in the midst of sacrifice, in an all consuming way. I thought about the physical aspects of fire: how it starts, what keeps it going, what it is made of. I wonder why God chose fire. It is amazing to me the different things in this world that God has made and the dualities they represent. Fire can bring warmth into our home but it can also destroy our homes (if it gets out of control). Fire consumes the land, destroying hopes and dreams. Yet metaphorically speaking, God's fire in our heart can bring hope and dreams to life. The metaphorical fire in our heart is what I am most intrigued by.

I want God's fire to be in my heart. I want Him to consume all the evil in my life so that His good can shine through the fire. Fire can be hot and burning or it can be a miraculous show of God's awesome power or sometimes a little of both. How can one word represent something that can bring both life and death? Yet if we look around, we can see so many things in our world that can be used for death or for life. However, I feel like every day there is a choice that I have to make. I get to choose to let God's fire in so that I can see the positive and the blessings that I have as the bad stuff burns away. Or I can choose to let a deathly fire in that brings destruction to the heart that God has given me. As I watch the ash fall yesterday I wondered where it was coming from. Curiosity was nagging me. I realized that I didn't want to just see the remnants floating around in the air but instead I wanted to see the fire. Just as I want to see God's fire in my life and let it be my guiding light. Most of my life I have had this desire. However, I recognize about five months ago that there has been something preventing me from letting God's fire completely consume me. My own sin blocked me. I let a deathly fire consume me. I let all the lies that I had told surround my heart, the truth about my life was unconsciously buried there. Although, I read God's truth and believed it, part of it was not able to make it into my heart. Yet, like God does all the time, He showed me His love, spoke His truth, and then I got to choose.

This time the choice was different for me. It was a life changing moment. I don't believe my life will ever be the same. The choosing wasn't easy...there was a battle within, a risk of unveiling who I had become, of really looking at myself and seeing the truth in the sin I had committed, of recognizing how far I had come from what my relationship with God could have been, of seeing how easy it is to fall into deadly fire. But for once I choose to let God's fire be my life and completely consume me, burning the lies away instead of just sitting around on the fringes (unable to consume due to lack of oxygen). On that day when I chose to breath in oxygen and let the fire rage, it burned like never before! So painful, but what life it has brought me.


Bits & pieces: Exodus 3:2, 13:21; Psalm 97:3; Malachi 3:2; Matthew 3:11; James 3:5,6

It's Time To Start A New Dance

I have decided it is time to start something new. In this blog I want to share my heart and life with all of you. I have been writing for many years and hope to one day publish some books and/or poetry. I figured I would start by taking time on a regular basis to write a little note or poem to you. I hope to encourage you and cause you to think. I plan to talk about my adventures and hardships, share poems and scriptures, be real about life and speak truth.


In the past five months God has done a makeover on me and is still continuing to do so. He has given me a chance to restart. At some point in time I may take back these words, however, at the moment I can confidently say, "I am thankful that God allows bad things to happen to people." Maybe that sounds not quite right but hopeful you will understand my line of thinking. I am sure it makes God sad to see us suffer but what joy it must bring Him when we choose to turn to Him in our circumstances. If it wasn't for those hard times and bad things that occurred in my life, I wouldn't have the relationship with God that I have today. The bad things that happen are not fun but remembering God's amazing grace in the midst of our sin is so precious. It is nice to remember that we get to have a relationship with God and not just be little robots that walk around without brains in our heads. :) Why not remember to choose Him, as He has already chosen us? At times this is a lot easier said than done, right? But there is always light at the end of the tunnel if your willing to look for it.



Someone said to me that sometimes God brings you to seminary to heal you as part of your preparation for ministry. That is exactly what He has been doing for me. Healing me from things that were buried deep in my heart, hidden from others (to an extent even from my own eyes). As I continue to blog my story will unfold for you. I look back and wonder how I lived so long the way I did. Yet at the same time, I am so thankful that He gave me this opportunity to choose Him during this specific time. He has pursued me like I could never believe, pouring out His love to me through the people He has placed in my life. Sometimes I wonder how people live without Him. It makes me sad to think that people choose not to believe and see God. Thus, I am beginning this something new. I know God has ministry ahead for me. What that looks like exactly, we will just have to wait and see. In the mean time, here is a little poem I wrote about beginning again.

Beginning Again

Fly over the world
Give birth to new words
Open your mouth and bite
Eyes fill with light
Eagles soar
Lions roar
Reflections appear so near
Candles burn for those dear
Hope for love
Freedom of a dove
Age stands still
Chaos has no will
Sweet melodies play from afar
Some as rich as a chocolate bar
Children dance
Adults romance
Hidden with promise
Mountains rise from bliss
Throne of the One
Cross for One
Grace to you
Grace right through
Beginning again
Beginning again




How can you begin again today? Maybe God has already done a big transformation in your life. It could be something as simple as more trust in Him or maybe spending time with Him more regularly. There is always something to work on if we are willing to look. What is God speaking to you about? What is something in your life that you can give to God so that you can start a new dance today?

Romans 6:1-14