Good Reminders

Here are two poems I wrote. One is a reminder of what God has done for me. The other is a reminder that when I fall and am humble, God is with me and so I can still have joy and peace in the midst of whatever is occuring in my life.

Heavy Burden
A heavy burden laid upon my heart
It pulled me down
It hid my heart
A heavy burden that had no end
It caused me tears
It cost me sin
A heavy burden that could see no end
It played with me
It blinded me

Then one day the burden lay
Down to the ground the burden may
For on that day the Lord did say
I take it away
Your heart is mine for all to see
Your tears and sins are upon me
Now see all as they should be
Now assist me in your day
For I can take all burdens away
A heavy burden is wiped away

______________________________________________________

Joy in Falling
Up, up, up we go
Down, down, down will occur
High and proud we can be
Low and below will occur
Seeing the world below, as we go high
Below the world looks up
Falling slow and sudden
The world wonders why
Falling fast and far
The world sees us no more
Up, up, up we go
Down, down, down we fall
High in the sky brings us worldly vision

But falling down below brings us joy
For high is for all to see
But low is hidden from me
High is where only One should be
Low is where One's joy is poured
Falling from on high
Falling down below
Looking up and wondering why
Down below could bring such joy
For up above is so alive
But down below is how we should thrive
Falling in joy
Falling in joy
Up then down we will go
Up then down we have seen
For falling brings more
For falling brings joy to you and me
Falling brings peace for all to be

Deeply Seen

Today I saw three people.

The first person was a man. He had black hair, a mustache, and brown skin. After peering at him briefly, I realized he was Hispanic. I stood a short distance away from him and watched him sit with many other men at a picnic table. I knew I was supposed to marry this man but for some reason I wasn't so attracted to him. I also knew that he had just gotten out of prison for murdering two people. I wondered how come he was out of prison so soon. Shouldn't he still be there? He couldn't have served his time yet, for he appeared to be not much more than thirty years old. He sat there talking to his friends and waiting for me to approach him. However, I continued to watch him from a distance.

I also saw a little girl. She was perhaps 8 or 9 years old. She had a sideways pigtail, her hair was brown with curls and straightness intermixed. She walked right up to me with her big brown eyes and just stared at me. She didn't say a word. I couldn't take my eyes from hers. There was something underneath the surface. She seemed almost joyful on the outside but underneath those smiling eyes she was in a liminal state. There was something hidden in her eyes, you could only see it when you looked so hard your own eyes began pounding with exhilaration. I wondered how such a little life could have seen such death. I walked away from her because I didn't want to see what else was in her eyes. As I glanced back, her arms where stretched out towards me, like she was begging me to embrace her.

The last person I saw that day was a rather large black woman in her fifties. The clothing she wore was not like anything I had seen before. She had on bright red balloon shaped pants, which rounded out far beyond the size of her legs. She wore a dress over the pants. The dress was pale blue with royal blue, that unhurriedly crept over all of the pail blue. It seemed as thought the royal blue on the dress was alive. Over and over again I saw it canopy the pale blue. It was so beautiful, like the sun rising and setting, brilliant color illuminating the sky. The woman was laughing hysterically at something in front of her. I was very drawn to her yet at the same time afraid to get to close. I yearned to feel what she was feeling, to have joy that came from the gut, rolled up, and out. It seemed as though her laughter was never ending. Would she ever catch her breath? It didn't appear as though she needed to. I was captivated. I didn't watch from a distance or turn away. I walked up to her and smiled into her eyes.

To be continued next Monday...

Heart Circumcision

This last month has been quite busy for me. I moved to a cute house, which is very peaceful and not a little shoe box (like my last apartment). I have made a few trips to Big Bear at ridiculous hours of the morning. I took a little mini vacation to the Welk Resort in San Diego where my family celebrated my grandparents 50th anniversary. Slowly but surely I have been working on my bedroom decorations. And of course cooking a lot, including making homemade strawberry jam. Sadly, my computer went down the tube so it has been a little difficult to write. Thankfully, I am borrowing a computer this week to write. I love writing and have missed taking the time to write my thoughts down (journaling just isn't the same and a lot slower).
So what have I been learning lately...many things...but I think the most important thing is how amazingly faithful and loving God is! You see the last couple of weeks I have been challenged in the area of love and what that looks like. I so desperately want to love God, love for God, and be loved. Yet, for so long I loved for myself and put my life on display. This is part of the reason why I have not written because I wanted to make sure my heart is in the right place. For so long I was blinded by my own sin and blind to see my own sin (Proverbs 20:11-13). I can see it now and the consequences of my past have affect me this last month. In January, I told the truth about the hidden secrets in my heart. The place where I wouldn't let God in. Where sin grew as the years went by. And you know what? God's love and faithfulness to me were greater than I ever could imagine. I knew what I needed to do but actually doing it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But God promised me that He would be there for me every step of the way and no matter the consequences, He would provide for me. And He has.

I read this verse the other day and feel like circumcision of the heart is the best way to describe what God has been doing to my heart this year. Deuteronomy 30:6, "And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Circumcision has really hurt but you know what? I want to live! I want God to cut off the unclean parts in my heart. I want a covenant of love in my heart so that I can live! I was so blind to my own sin. It came to a point where I actually believed what I spoke even though some of what I spoke were lies. I believed them to be true and responded accordingly. Which still kind of puzzles me a little but I realized recently that I don't have to figure it all out. I don't have to have an explanation. The past can't be changed, it's done. I need to live now while continuing to let God work on my heart. I need be honest with God, others, and myself. And you know what? It is so freeing to let truth be know and to know the truth! To see God's greatest gift in action!

I have been studying love in the Bible and what it looks like. I was talking to a friend the other night about love. He made a comment about how love in the Bible is always an action. At this point, I have mostly been looking at love in the Old Testament. However, I have noticed how somehow when love is mentioned it almost always parallels the actions described in 1 Corinthians 13. Then there is the whole idea that God is love. And if we don't love then we don't know God (1 John 4:8). All I can say to this is that this year I have seen and felt love. I have seen God in a new way. That action of love by others showed me God's love. Showed me what people that choose to love God are capable of great love, are capable of love like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I saw how God gives strength to people so that as they love Him, they can love others. And so that gift, love, God...is what I hope for and why I want my circumcision to continue.

Heart Change

It has been awhile since I have written a post and my next post will tell you a little bit about why I have taken a break but for now here is a little poem I wrote. I wrote it to remind myself to continue to recognize and see God's love, and to continue to change for Him.

Change for Love

Change is far and seen

Further will it be

Change is all for me

Selfish ambition, no, sincerely be

Change for Love

Goodwill for Him above

Change to rejoice

Truth is in my voice

Change is time

Time to twine

Change my heart

My soul be humbled

Change in life and death

Faith in confidence of breath

Change in love takes place

Strife and suffering are worthy

Change to humility

Each individual is more than mine

Change to care for others

No complaint be uttered

Change for Him, not another

His pleasure be mine

Change from sorrow to joy

His joy and sorrow be thine

Change to become blameless

Not service for faith

Change for service of faith

My heart complains

Change for me lay by

My heart retains

Change for Him became

For another’s love

Change I wait

Yet changed lily be

Change is desired

For gain is loss

Change brings knowledge

Open up and choose

Change your thinking

Press on

Change the image inside

Let the prize hide, no more

Change your mind, body, and soul

Heart underneath

Change for Him

Let change be

Change for Love

What joy will bring

Change your prayers

Release yourself

Change if you will

Your will is just a pill

Change is everlasting

Worry no more

Change too fearless

Peace is stronger

Change to God’s own child

Heart be guarded

Change to be true

Noble, just, and pure

Change to lovely

Seek good will and justice

Change to praise Him

Reflect truth

Change brings contentment

It can be done

Change for Love

His love

Change for all

All things are done

Change is vigorous

Each need is met

So Change

Choose to change

Change, for love is great

Choose God

Change, for God is love

Never failing God

Change for faith

Hope in love

Change from inside out

Love for Him

Change as death is life

Death is never far

Change life

Let more Love in

Changed from hiding

Far behind me

Changed from within

Love is in me

Changed as time

Time in excess

Change refined me

Believe in Him

Change in all things

My hope endures

Change for Love

Transformation began

Change continues

Keep letting Love in

Change as you let Love

Love others more

Change as a gift

Gift to the Everlasting

Change has Love

Thankfulness beside my amazement

Change for Love

As Love transformed me

Philippians

1 Corinthians 13