New Hope!

I wrote these poems about a year ago when I was in the midst of some tough issues in my life. These poems are dedicated to people that have had events in their lives that have caused (are causing) them pain or led to depression.

James 1:2 (MSG) "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that, under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

Where God Begins and Confusion Ends

I felt alone.
No one knew.
They tried to help me.
They made me talk.
Sometimes I want to talk but sometimes not.
They didn't know.
How could they comfort me when they didn't know?
I just wanted to stay home.
I was tired of pretending everything was fine.
But I didn't want people to know that everything wasn't fine.
I needed help so I looked for people to help me.
I knew God could help but I couldn't always feel Him.
I needed a person or so I thought.
I just wanted to sleep.
I didn't want to leave my house.
What was wrong with me?
I needed things to be back to normal.
What was normal?
I just wanted normal.
I wanted someone to comfort me and hold me.
What was wrong with me?
I was so confused.
I don't think I knew how I felt.
I didn't feel anything.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
Because I let confusion rule me.
Confusion must end.
Confusion must pass away.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
Because I held my head high.
I closed my eyes.
I shut my ears.
Confusion in my head appeared.
My smell was not right.
For all I could smell was stench and rottenness.
My stomach did not work.
Food had no appeal.
Why couldn't I let God hold me?
My blood ruled me instead of letting God's Son come down.
I could not walk on my own.
Fear from confusion entrapped me.
I could not be alone.
For my heart was not mine to give away.
So confusion ruled me.
Why can I let God hold me?
God can hold me because my heart is His.
God can hold me because my life has a new beginning in Him.
God can hold me because confusion and fear He wiped away.
They lay at His feet, as it may.
Love takes away the fear inside.
Love takes away confusion's head.
My eyes and ears are open now.
My smell begins to smell the tears.
My stomach digest like never before.
Walking with Him holding me.
This is where I know I should be.
No more trapped within a cage.
No more sleeping in.
Awake I should be.
Watching and waiting to see confusion of others.
For confusion takes hold of you and me.
No more ruling we should see.
Confusion is lost for all to begin.
God is our director and so we should see.
Confusion our hearts no more will they see.
For God's beginning is all we need.

Fresh and new we will see.

God's beginning, love in me.

Heavy Burden

A heavy burden laid upon my heart
It pulled me down
It hid my heart
A heavy burden that had no end
It caused me tears
It cost me sin
A heavy burden that could see no end
It played with me
It blinded me
Then one day the burden lay
Down to the ground the burden may
For on that day the Lord did say
I take it away
Your heart is mine for all to see
Your tears and sins are upon me
Now see all as they should be
Now assist me in your day
For I can take all burdens away
A heavy burden is wiped away

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

Being Selfless

"Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:1-5

Sometimes I wish that it was easier to be selfless. I had a moment the other day when I could either choose to be upset about something (that really wasn't bothering me in any physical or emotional way) or choose to be selfless and let it go. Honestly, I was a little irritated. I had to remind myself that what was happening wasn't hurting me in any way. I just wanted something a certain way and it wasn't happening that way.

I find at times I do things without thinking about how what I do might affect others. We all do, right? I really try to make sure that I think about others but when it comes down to it, I will never suceed at being perfect at selflessness. But thankfully, God helps me with this and if I find my security in Him and have my needs met by Him, then I can meet others needs with Him. I want my life to be worth something. I wonder if maybe this isn't selfless but I guess it depends on what the worth is or means. God is so devoted to me and faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). If that is so, then shouldn't I devote myself to a life fully devoted to others for the purpose of showing them God's love and hopefully encouraging them to desire to be in His likeness? I wonder what this looks like for different people. Obviously, we all have different jobs and daily tasks we do. How to we incorporate self-sacrifice to others for God's glory into our daily lives?

I used to speak out for God with two motives: one for God and one for me. It was about me first and getting my needs met by people as I encouraged them to seek God. Although, I was encouraging them to seek God, I didn't have the security and peace in God. So even though my intentions were for God's glory, my motives were for my glory (for my heart to be full). Instead of letting God fill my heart, I tried to fill it myself. In so doing, I didn't see that what I needed was right in front of me because my selfishness clouded my judgement.

I looked up the definition for selflessness online. All the definitions I read basically said that selflessness was having no concern for yourself but instead unselfish concern for the welfare of others. For me getting to selflessness means: First, realizing that my words and actions affect other, therefore I would like to live looking for others needs. Second, realize I need to see my needs, give them to God, let Him provide (through His word or others He places in my life). Thirdly, realize others may take advantage of my selflessness but be able to set boundaries to help everyone stay healthy and moving in holiness towards God. Lastly and most importantly, serve others in love with God as my source of strength.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a